Day 9: The one with the tips

It's the end of week 2 of my unemployment, so today, I present my top tips to the unemployed.

Tip 1:  Get the hell out of bed

This may seem like a really obvious and very strange thing to say, but it’s a hurdle I’ve often failed to overcome.  Now, don’t get me wrong - I’m certainly not that unwashed bloke who hangs around the house all day in his boxers, scratching his nuts and watching Television.  But yesterday, despite waking up at 8:30am, it was almost three in the afternoon before I’d had ‘breakfast’, got myself a shower and brushed my peggies.

I’ve fallen into this trap a couple of times before.  My first experience of this was during a previous job with the Anthony Nolan Trust back in 2006/7 (yes, you’ve guessed it …I was made redundant from that job too!).  During this period, I was an Area Appeals Manager looking after the counties of Lancashire and Cumbria and it was my responsibility to organise, co-ordinate and market high profile fundraising events across these regions.  The job involved working from home with the use of company IT equipment and a company car and it was a role I was really getting my teeth stuck in to, until 50% of us were suddenly given the chop.

One of the common errors I made during this time was to walk into my ‘office’ in the spare room and switch on the PC en route to the kitchen to make a brew.  Before I knew it, lunchtime had arrived and I’d still be in my overnight outfit of t-shirt and footie shorts.  Having responded to countless e-mails, made a few phone calls, sent off faxes and drawn up my plans, it would be 12:30 in the afternoon sometimes before I’d had a shower and got suited-up for the ‘day ahead’. 

Yesterday, I made the same mistake and picked up my laptop before I’d even had my Weetabix.  Firstly, I visited the Virgin website and looked through every single vacancy at every Virgin company across the UK.  The most suitable job description matching my skills and qualifications seemed to be the position of ‘Shipping Cargo Officer’ with Virgin Atlantic, based at London Heathrow.  How this would be economically viable for me I don’t know, but I thought it was definitely worth registering my details with the Virgin group.  As it happened, the online process was straight-forward enough and took about an hour to complete. 

I then visited the Lloyds TSB, HSBC and Santander websites to see if there were any entry-level banking opportunities a little closer to home.  There was bugger all.

I then tried to Halifax website and there they were …like sparkling pound coins in a pile of horse dung! ‘Customer Advisor’ positions at Accrington, Burnley, Bolton AND Preston! 

"Brilliant" I thought.


Not so much so at half two in the afternoon when my testicles began to boil from the heat caused from my laptop!

Whilst, I’m not adverse to time-consuming hard work, this really was the most protracted and convoluted three hours worth of job application I’ve come across.  “List your work experience over the last five years, including any gaps in employment”.  Not the quickest of tasks for someone who’s had as many jobs as me, but a fair enough ask considering the field of work I suppose.  However, when I had to detail the address, website, a reference name, contact number, start/finish dates, salary details, my reason for leaving, the job title and then list the main responsibilities for every single job, it became a little tedious.

I then had to complete the longest list of security, financial and background checks you could imagine, which started to make me wonder if I was applying for a hit man job to assassinate a world leader.  Add to that, detailed sections for referees, all my national insurance and personal details, and a 12 question scenario survey and this was only half of the application done!  I then had to complete three online competency tests which took a further hour…and this was all for a job with a modest salary range of just £13K to £15K a year!  If I don’t hear from the Halifax, grumpy Jason might turn green and tear off his T-shirt.

On that note, you’ll be pleased to know that I got up at 8:30am this morning, jumped straight into the shower and actually got some clothes on!

Tip 2: Get some fresh air. 

This tip should definitely not be underestimated.  As an extension of Tip 1, being in the same room all day long, waiting for the postman to arrive is not good for morale!  Meanwhile, sitting at your computer for 8 hours (even if it is for constant job searches and job applications) is definitely NOT healthy!  Today, I went out for a short 5 mile run and it really helped to clear my head.  I’m not going to preach or patronise about the values of exercise or keeping fit, but physical wellbeing has obvious advantages for your mental peace of mind.  Plus, it meant I got two showers today before I’d even had one by the same time yesterday!!

Even if you don’t like running or you are unable to play sport or exercise, take a walk a couple times a week, go get wet in the rain and look across the landscape as far as your eyes will take you.  It sounds stupid I know.  But it really helps.

Tip 3:  Keep the mind active

Some people have asked me if writing this blog is a sensible use of my time during this period of unemployment.  The truth is, I’ve found it to be a brilliant way of keeping my mind active and to provide the mental stimulation needed to help exhaust my brain in the same way that exercise exhausts the body.  It’s been a fantastic way of laying down my thoughts and getting the frustrations off my chest.

At worst, it will serve as a diarised reminder of a tough time that I can look back upon and hopefully laugh at if I ever get that dream job I’ve been striving for.  At best, other people might be able to relate to my torment and misadventures and it will help others to know that they’re not alone? 

I'm a HUGE fan of 'Ugly Betty' and always find it completely heartwarming.  (I know the boys are laughing at me here!).  Despite Betty’s unconventional ways and apparent unpopularity, she always wins people around simply by being a good person and each episode ends with a moral victory.  In the last series, she wrote a blog and lots of wonderful things happened to her as a result of it!  So who knows…this might even help me secure a job!!

I was completely humbled with some of the kind words I received after yesterday’s blog, so the added bonus of it all has been immeasurable.  The blog has kept me connected with friends, who in turn have helped inform and inspire me.  My mate Stan actually likened me to a fictional character in a computer game that you’re all helping along in life!  What a fabulous way of animating it!

Being told I’m now an official link on JS’s phone and hearing your compliments have really cheered me up.  In fact, school-time ambitions of becoming a writer have returned and today, I spoke to the University Centre about commencing a full-time journalism degree in September. 

All the details about the course and the new dilemma’s it presents will follow in my next blog, but for now may I wish you all a fabulous weekend.

Many blessings

Jason